Who Is She???

Do you ever look back at old pictures and think: Who are they? Who is that girl who used to laugh at anything and everything? Who is that girl with no worries and no fears just drifting through life? Who is that girl who is so brave and beautiful?

What made that girl so confident? What made her so happy? What made her want to have all eyes on her and be the center of attention? What made her feel so alive?

When did I stop being that girl? When did I lose that feeling of freedom? When did I  realize that I wasn’t her any longer? When did my friends realize–have they realized– that I am a different girl?

Where did I go wrong? Where did I go right? Where did I learn the lessons that made me who I am now? Where did I become who I am now? Where was the place that I made this subtle change that changed my life completely?

Why did I let it happen? Why am I so scared and anxious? Why do I care so much less now? Why do I yearn for this girl who is so far from who I am and who I want to be? Why did I let that affect me? Why did I let them affect me? Why am I who I am now?

How do I become her again? How do I become this girl when I have grown and changed so much? How do I become this girl who was so confident, yet so insecure? How do I become this girl who laughed so much, but was much less happier than she appeared? How do I let myself go back to that place when I am so much happier with who I am now?

Taylor Swift has a song lyric that has always and forever resonated with me. She says in her song All Too Well, “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.”

I really don’t know who she is anymore. Not Taylor Swift, but me. I don’t know who that girl I used to be is. She seems so far from me. While I still hold her close to me, I don’t know if I want her with me anymore. She may have been so many beautiful things, but there was always something wrong with her. And to be honest, I truly do like who I am now a lot more. She is so hard to say goodbye to, because I truly love her, but she needs to be out of my life.

 

SORRY OMG! That was so deep, like way too deep, but like I needed to vent and DD said I should write again so I did and this is what came out. Last night was one of those introspective nights where you rethink your whole life and who’s in it. I’ve been feeling not like myself lately and I’m starting to realize that may be a good thing.

your favorite (not-so) people person,

Nandi

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Um… hey?

Hey, what’s up? How’s it going? Me? Oh, yeah, I’ve been great.

Alright, alright. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, but let me tell you right now college is a doozy and it’s hard to find time to even breathe let alone write. I recently turned 19, so I’ve decided to revive this url and give the people what they want. Or to finally give into my desire of sharing too many of my thoughts and feelings with everyone. You choose.

I’ve been trying to come up with something to talk about for forever. I was going to write about college. How I love my new friends, how I miss my old friends, how my mom became my best friend, how my dog sleeps in my bed every night now that I’m gone, how I text my dad on a regular basis now, how I found out that I’m the purest form of an introverted extrovert, how I became a vegan/vegetarian. And, I mean, if you want me to talk about these things please tell me, but today I’m going to talk about the five “events” that shaped my life. This topic didn’t come out of the blue, it was actually a project for my RA class. Oh yeah, I’m becoming an RA.

  1. Scraping my knees on my first day of preschool.     I’ve always been a huge nerd. I got too excited and the clumsy girl that I was, and still am, tripped in the driveway and created to gaping holes in her knees. I was also four, so they were probably just scratches. My dad fixed me up and on that day he became my best friend. A fleeting friendship that wouldn’t last through puberty, but a friendship nonetheless. I also gave up on being perfect that day. My body was officially scarred. I truly believe that day was a catalyst for the many scrapes, bruises, cuts, and gashes to come. I’m sorry mom and dad for being such a nuisance, but it was your genes that made me tall and lanky, so whose fault is it really?

This was number 1. I’m going to span these over five weeks because, thanks to the fast pace of our generation, no one would be able to sit through me explaining all five.

Man, I forgot how fun this was.

I’m back ;-),

your favorite people person

Talent

So last week I went to my school’s chorus concert and, may I just say, it was epic. I was honestly blown away. I really can’t even believe that I know people that are that amazingly talented. Shoutout to Lane, Claire, Julia, and DD you guys actually made me cry multiple times.

I’ve never really been the type of person to have one certain thing that makes them special. I’m an average dancer and singer. I was an artist, and I guess you can never lose a skill, but art isn’t really a talent you can show off on the spot. I tried gymnastics for awhile and was decently okay, but then I grew. I always felt like I never really had anything that made me worthy of some sort of praise.

I’ve always loved writing, though. I don’t know if I’m actually good at it, but I know that it’s something I never want to stop doing. As a kid I would write poem after poem, song after song, book after book. I don’t know what qualifies someone to be able to say they’re a writer, but I kind of want that to be my thing. There are so many other amazing talents that are way cooler than writing, but I’m seriously so happy that God chose this to be my “thing.” I’m also seriously happy that God chose you to read this because I wouldn’t have figured this out without you.

-your favorite people person