Who Is She???

Do you ever look back at old pictures and think: Who are they? Who is that girl who used to laugh at anything and everything? Who is that girl with no worries and no fears just drifting through life? Who is that girl who is so brave and beautiful?

What made that girl so confident? What made her so happy? What made her want to have all eyes on her and be the center of attention? What made her feel so alive?

When did I stop being that girl? When did I lose that feeling of freedom? When did I  realize that I wasn’t her any longer? When did my friends realize–have they realized– that I am a different girl?

Where did I go wrong? Where did I go right? Where did I learn the lessons that made me who I am now? Where did I become who I am now? Where was the place that I made this subtle change that changed my life completely?

Why did I let it happen? Why am I so scared and anxious? Why do I care so much less now? Why do I yearn for this girl who is so far from who I am and who I want to be? Why did I let that affect me? Why did I let them affect me? Why am I who I am now?

How do I become her again? How do I become this girl when I have grown and changed so much? How do I become this girl who was so confident, yet so insecure? How do I become this girl who laughed so much, but was much less happier than she appeared? How do I let myself go back to that place when I am so much happier with who I am now?

Taylor Swift has a song lyric that has always and forever resonated with me. She says in her song All Too Well, “I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it.”

I really don’t know who she is anymore. Not Taylor Swift, but me. I don’t know who that girl I used to be is. She seems so far from me. While I still hold her close to me, I don’t know if I want her with me anymore. She may have been so many beautiful things, but there was always something wrong with her. And to be honest, I truly do like who I am now a lot more. She is so hard to say goodbye to, because I truly love her, but she needs to be out of my life.

 

SORRY OMG! That was so deep, like way too deep, but like I needed to vent and DD said I should write again so I did and this is what came out. Last night was one of those introspective nights where you rethink your whole life and who’s in it. I’ve been feeling not like myself lately and I’m starting to realize that may be a good thing.

your favorite (not-so) people person,

Nandi

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Summer

Hey, long time no talk. Before you get all mad, here me out! Ya girl has been busy!!! Actually ya girl will remain busy throughout the entire summer, but my leave of absence was very temporary and I promise to keep posting on here. In the first three weeks of summer I have learned a lot about myself. Like for instance, I may not hate children as much as I used to. Or, I’m not the pushover I used to be. I can be rebellious when necessary. I stay cool under pressure. I really value my alone time, more than I thought I did. I will go to great lengths to make those I love happy. Fulfilling childhood dreams is awesome *thanks ankle bracelets*. My short temper can be easily relieved. There are more things I have learned, but the biggest one is that I don’t want to be who I’ve been before. I want to treasure all of the relationships in my life. I want to stay in contact with my friends, no matter if I hate texting or not. I want to pursue what makes ME happy, not my parents. I want to stay happy and positive. I want to not care what others think about me. I want to stop caring about how society wants me to look or act. I want to be free and independent. This summer may just be beginning, but I feel as if something amazing awaits.
Three weeks down, six more to go.
-your favorite people person is back

Mamma I Made It

If you don’t follow me on social media, or you just happened to stumble upon this blog and have no idea who I am, I am officially a high school graduate. It honestly still hasn’t hit me yet and I doubt it will hit me until I’m in my dorm room without my parents. But, alas, it is true. Being an adult comes with many responsibilities. I’ve had to ask my mom for advice. Drive myself to graduation parties. I went to a bridal shower, that was fun. Um, I’ve had to let my friends pay for me because I had no money. All in all, being a graduate is pretty easy. What will I do when I’m all by myself with absolutely no help and no way to get home and ask my mommy what to do? I have no idea. I’m a little freaked out to be honest, but they did warn me that I was growing up (I just didn’t think it would happen so suddenly…). There are many things high school didn’t teach me, and now that I’m a big girl I’m realizing that I’m pretty screwed. I guess I could wallow in self-pity, but that’s not my style. Hannah Montana once told me that life’s what you make it. All the mistakes before have led me to this glorious, yet terrifying moment. I’ll make so many mistakes later on in life, heck later on today, but that’s the fun part. I may be nervous for the future, but at least I have one to mold and shape all on my own. Thanks to all the friends and family who have gotten me to where I am today. I hope everyone reading this knows that, no matter how cliche it sounds, your future is bright!!

-your favorite people person

No Mo FOMO

FOMO
Fear of Missing Out
This strange phenomenon affects me probably a lot more than it should. It’s the reason I stopped watching people’s Snapchat stories. The reason I feel the need to post Snapchat stories when I am hanging out with my friends. It’s the reason I have a lot of passive aggressive tendencies whenever my friends hang out with each other and don’t invite me. I’ve had it for as long as my friends have been able to hang out with each other. I wish I could be able to feel happy that my friends have other friends, but I am really protective over my friends. And greedy, definitely greedy. I have seriously got to learn that my friends are their own people and do not belong to me.

But I am trying. Once you become confident in your relationships, you stop worrying about losing your friends to other people. I know that my friends becoming close to someone else does not affect our relationship. People grow and evolve. I’m growing and evolving. I’m no longer bitter or resentful. I’m free and happy. I might still have pretty bad FOMO, but I’ve learned how to enjoy the time alone.

Or to just ask other people to hang out with me.

-your favorite people person

Be My BFF

Can I just brag on my friends for a minute? I would just like to say that I am immensely pleased with the people that I have chosen to become a part of my life. I don’t always make great decisions, but I know every single friendship I have I hold dear to my heart.
Now, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t believe in acquaintances. Call me naïve, but the minute I can make a connection with someone, they become a friend to me. I like to think I have a lot of friends mostly because I like to be outgoing and just enjoy human interaction. There’s one bad thing about having a lot of friends though. You tend to forget to appreciate the old friends you make when you make new ones.
I love every single one of my friends. They inspire me, support, make me feel beautiful and unstoppable, and I just wanted to tell them that I love them a lot. Also if you’re reading this blog I love you a lot, too. But, I’d like to call out one friend in particular. Hey Marg.
Marg, I know we bicker a lot, but you have truly been so amazing to me this year. We have practically spent almost every day together and I can’t imagine my life without you. We’ve been there with each other through the ups and downs of senior year, and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate having you in my life.
Ok, enough moosh. Tell your BFF how much you love and appreciate them. I love each and every one of my friends so very much. Thank you for all that you do for me!!!!!!
-your favorite people person

iHope you agree

“I’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone…”

Has anyone noticed how often millennials are on their phones? Like, ask me when they do it, I say often. Like I just want to talk to my friends, and instead I’m talking to their phones. The line above is from the song Somebody Else by the 1975. And, no, the song has really nothing to do with this topic, but that line resonated with me so much. Even I have come to the point where, if I foresee an awkward moment, my immediate reaction is to reach for my phone. I hate that. I want to be able to talk to my friends and not have to worry that they aren’t listening to me because they’re snapchatting, or going through their Instagram, or checking their Twitter. I think I’m going to start putting my phone on airplane mode when I’m hanging out with my friends. I want to have conversations with my best pals, like I came to hang out with you, not your phone.

I know this is a genuine concern that a lot of people other than me have. I know that this is probably a mute point and the next time I hang out with my friends, I’ll probably end up reaching for my phone for comfort at some point. I just wanted to share with you guys that the people you surround yourself with are so much more important than Kylie Jenner’s latest story, or “OMG LOOK WHAT SO AND SO POSTED ON THEIR INSTA.”

I want our generation to be known for something other than the fact that we have an unusual attachment to technology. It bugs me, a lot. Alright, I’m done ranting. Just, talk to your friends, look them in the eyes, show genuine interest in what they’re saying, not genuine interest in your iPhone 6.

-your favorite people person